The Goblins an' the Pig God

This here be another story me Pappy told me of long ago times. This one comes from the time when we called them Gruoks "Pigs" and there were strange critters walkin' the land called Goblins.

Now Goblins were not too bright but they were fierce fighters and a small group of them were a force to be reckoned with. Well, it seems me great-great Grandpappy who was a sort of a Bard was headin' from Aughundell to the new town of Tazoon for a Bard gatherin'. It was a hot day and he got hisself lost and before ya know it he found himself gettin' a mite peckish. Since he didn't have any inclination to be gettin' losted he had not packed hisself a lunch so his tummy was grumblin' somethin' fierce when he heard this squealin' that sounded like the hinges on the Aughundell gate when it needs oiling.

So he sneaks up to the noise careful like and peeked out from the trees and he sees a nice fat piggy stuck in some quicksand and squealin' like there was no tomorrow. Well, I guess for the piggy there wasn't but me great-great- Grandpappy couldn't bear to see the thing suffer so pulled it out and put it out of it's misery. In no time he had it all trussed up and slung on a spit over a bed of hot coals to cook up nice and slow like. So he gets his pipe out and sits back to rest, reaching out every now and then to turn the spit and the old boy dozed off in that hot sun.

Well, the first thing ya know he feels a thumpin' on the back of his head and everything went black. When he came awake again he was tied to a tree and a dozen Goblins were fightin' over his Lute and his pack and jabberring in their tongue about what they would do with him. Now, being a Bard and all, great-great-grandpappy knew hisself a few languages and could understand a bit of Goblinish and he was none too happy with what he was hearin'. Seems the majority of them critters wanted to kill him and then skin him for his hide.

What really upset him though is one old Goblin woman who was turnin' the spit where his piggy was stuck and his stomach was really startin' to rumble. So what to do? He sat there pretendin' he was still out of it and he thunk for a spell and he came up with an idea. Being the accomplished Bard he was he could do some funny things with his voice and could do ventriloquisy. That is where ya can be makin' yer voice sound like it was comin' from someplace else. So he moans real loud like and makes it sound like it was comin' from the bushes!

Well, them Goblins started jabberrin' and runnin' about like Dwarves at a free ale picnic! So he groans agin' but this time makes it sound like it be comin' from a different bush. After a few times like this them Goblins didn't know which way to be turnin' so me Great-great-Grandpappy pretends to wake up and yell out like he was scared. The big Chief of that Goblin band started to yammer at him askin' him what the noise in the bushes was and me Great-great-Grandpappy pretended he was really scared like, then made the noise again.

So he tells them Goblins that the noise was the Pig God and this God was a bit perturbed that somebody killed one of his subjects without payin' a proper tribute. Since them Goblins were in possession of the piggy on the spit they were in big trouble.The Chief asked me Great-great- Grandpappy how to go about payin' this tribute and calming that God down. Well, he pretends to be thinking a spell at the same time throwin' his voice a few more times for effect and then he tells them Goblins this. "Ya have to be pretendin' yer a piggy like them" he says. "The best way to be doin' this would be takin' a mud bath in yon mud puddle but beware! The God will punish the last person to take the mud bath!"

Well, that seem to upset them all the more because they couldn't figure out who was gonna be last so great-great-Grandpappy said if they all jumped at the same time the only left would be him and since he was tied to a tree they could all be finished their mud baths and have nothin' to fear from the Piggy God.

Them silly Goblins, I told ya they were none too bright, all stripped down and altogether like jumped into the pool of mud. Only be rememberin' that was not just mud it was quicksand. It took a spell for the noise and screamin' to settle down but soon there was only me Great-great-Grandpappy, a Piggy on a spit and a bunch of Goblin clothes and stuff in that clearing but nothin' else. All them Goblins had sunk out of sight.

It took the old boy a bit to get loose and his pig was a mite burned but all in all was not too bad. However, before he dug in he went over to that pool of quicksand and rubbed a bit of it on his face and said a wee prayer to the Pig God. After all you can never be tellin' when something might be true.