Journal of Many

[Sereamha]

(I been posting Niveus's journal entries on our guild site for a while. I figured I would post em here too...just little things he writes down XD)

*From the pen of the elf also known as Shadow, Creepy, Silly, Elf, Mint, Mintshade, and any other thing. Judging from the penmanship, it seems many different people write in this journal and seem to take over mid-paragraph at that*

A journal....what an idea. Seems a bit odd that one would write things down on such a flimsy substance. Why not use rock? Rock is far too difficult to etch, therefore one would be inclined to write less. That would not be a good thing, as important information could be left out. Bah, less to write means less time is taken up. Whatever, suuposed to be writing about things that are going on so maybe I won't forget.

In reality, I do not know WHAT I should be writing down, for I believe that I remember far too much. Why would I want to remember more? I suppose though, I should have started this earlier, for I seem to have suffered from a hole in my memory. A hole in my memory and....a hole in my very soul, I am told. Shinkuu, my good saris friend, has informed me that I went through some ritual to save a dragon that I loved. Love? A dragon?
Love, I could not possibly even feel that emotion correctly, considering how my mind is. To say that it was with a DRAGON though? That is beyond insane, even for me, and that is saying a lot. I trust my saris friend though, so I suppose it must be the truth.

Where is this phantom love now? If she loves me, would she not have shown herself to me by now? Would that ease this crushing emptiness and infernal hunger that seems to consume my being? ................hunger...always hunger...

[Sereamha]

*From the pen of the elf also known as Shadow, Creepy, Silly, Elf, Mint, Mintshade, and any other thing. Judging from the penmanship, it seems many different people write in this journal and seem to take over mid-paragraph at that*

Things are crazy....crazy. If I am saying this, one can be sure things are...uh....bad. Or good? Maybe good? Probably...yes? I have no idea...

My phantom, uh, 'wife', showed up in the valley I tend to relax in. I had no idea who she was....but everyone else seemed to recognize her. She seems to be one of those...really....uuh....rough types? She has spines all over her head. I married this? I am more than a bit confused, but she claims I did, so....it must be her. I guess I have to learn to love her again.

Jarroc took the time to inform me as to what I did for Dimmae, my...dragon wife. Judging from his story, it sort of....sounds like I broke an entire family into pieces and proceeded to snatch her away while she was dazed. Jarroc states that I saved her, then she lost her memory? Then what, did I just steal her away then? It is sort of ...making me not feel entirely great.

Jarroc seems miserable a lot of the time I see him, and so does his son. My fault....I...I wonder what I was thinking when I did that. Nothing? Selfish? I ...have NO idea. Still, she seems to adore me...for.....whatever reason.

Something else is troubling me though. She has this hatchling that seems recently hatched. It looks exactly like her. Now, my math is not great but.....I have not seen her in like forever or something, and I am greatly assuming that I can not make hatchlings. Therefore....did..she uh...cheat? I...really don't like this. When I asked her about it she gets all abrupt and won't talk about it. Is this how our 'relationship' was before?

Also, to make things MORE complicated, Nataliea seems to be spiraling down the 'dark, brooding, bloodmage blight' path. I think THIS is MY fault too. She seemed to take it very hard when we spoke about...um...'us'. After that she became sort of ....off...and now that this thing happened with my mind and my dracowife. NOW, she is even worse and is probably going to go all nutty, and I HAVE NO IDEA what to do to help!! Why does everything I do end up making everything worse?

I want to help her.....but then, if I do...I may end up turning her into some goblin that only eats pumpkins or something.............

[Sereamha]

*the writing in this entry seems to be even more haphazard than usual. At times it scrawls right off the page, rips right through the page, or is simply too light to be read*

Crazy, utterly re..re..ri........crazy. Stupid hatchlings...stupid, they are all stupid. They agreed to help me. Yes yes, of course they did, nice hatchlings. So I took some spirit juices mmhmm...from one...yup, all was good yup. Until some evil glowy thing on the hatchling when all sparkly and TORE IT RIGHT OUT OF ME. RIGHT OUT. The hunger...it...it...has now grown...to...something painful. I screamed at the hatchlings to get away from me...I would kill them if I tried that again. Idiots...idiots...one wanted to kill me for his Order of Justice or something like that. After warnings and an explosive mind...probe...thing...they all left me alone. I told them...dangerous...dangerous....

Now I need to find an adult...a big one...a big one. The emptiness is growing worse. No adults around...none. Dracowife not even around again...gone. Gone. Where? who knows....I drain things all around me, and nothing, nothing fills me like a dragon's essence does. So why bother draining other things? I am driven to drain...driven, it doesn't matter what, until I am full. I....must find a big, fat dragon....and soon.

[Sereamha]

*this entry is barely legible at the beginning. It seems the authors were trying to write far faster than their hands could manage. The script was obviously written with shaking hands*

Found new one, new source. Amazing, amazing...so thrilling, so full. Intoxicating...mind numbing. Makes me...need more. Took it out of Zalri...Zl....Zal...Zarla's mind, yes yes. Then BOOOOOM...all full...all energy. So...delicious. Mind Lasher? Should find more of those fellows....yes. Though seems rare...rare. Blast it, maybe it was the blighted part? Zarlo is allll beetter now...but I need to find more.

Blighted dragons. Why are those wild ones so dangerous? I can not even begin to get near them. OOOOOH but there are TAMED blighted dragons everywhere....yeeees. The community seems to welcome them at times. How silly~ unless they are uh...needing to eat their spirit juices too. Mmmhmm...not likely.

Found one though, has a blighted spirit thing sort of. Is a hatchling though, promised no more hatchlings to that dragon that wanted to kill me. I am not killing anyone right? This is blighted stuff yes? So he should not mind at all....this is different....different. Its blasted friend kept tackling me. Idiot, I am not killing it, killing it would mean I could eat its spirit juices anymore! I have to keep tabs on it so I can come back for more.

Found it again, but its FRIEND tackled me AGAIN and it got away. What the heck??? It is good, yes, good what I am doing. Less blighty spirit in it the better, mmhmm. But NOOOOOOOO, hatchlings LOVE to tackle and sit on the elf and break his bones. It got away...got away. I need that high again...blast it. I have to track it down....track it down....

[Sereamha]

*the penmanship of this entry is a bit more controlled than the last, though it still randomly changes at times as if many different people are writing.*

Little blighted dealie dragon I made....uh...deal with...changes now. Changes.

Met big black one. Recognized her. Dae...Daemint? Daemif?....Daemivnor...yeah, that is it. She was stalking around New Trismus then started staring at me. She then walked out of the town still staring at me. I followed, naturally, I was needing a.......'meal', and she was the only adult around.

We got to talking, and I think I mentioned something about....something, then she said there were dragons available that would do what I say and such. That means I would get free meals? HAHA, well sure! I said alright and then she snatched me up and took me to some blighted piece of land. AWESOME! I was about to explode with excitement. BLIGHTED dragons that I can syphon whenever I want? I was sooooo excited. She plopped me down and some blue dragon was chewing my little blightie hatchling that I get my fix from. Yes, I may as well call it was it is. It IS a fix, but dang it, I need it. I call the blue one Bluebell. I freaked out, she was hurting my fix! She claimed she wasn't, then hatchie turned all blighted. That was exciting, and I tried to syphon some of that...delicious spirit but then Bluebell tackled me, then Daemifnif tackled her!! I think I broke something...

Anyway, Daeniofmig seemed to control what Bluebell did. Bluebell seemed to control what Fix did. Bluebell and Fix are blighted, very much so. This got me to thinking. Daenamorph then offered that I could syphon off herself since Bluebell wasn't letting me syphon off the hatchie I had a DEAL with. -I- had a better idea though. While Daemifnif was letting me get close and do what she thought was syphoning, I put my Sorcerer pupperteering skills to work. I put some strings in Dae's mind. I may be able to control HER and that means I would control these two blightie things. WHICH MEANS, I now have TWO FIXES. This is mooooooooooost wonderful......

[Sereamha]

*the writing of this particular entry is now eerily steady, though the style of penmanship still changes at random points*

Death. People fear it, though I was never entirely sure why. THAT was probably because I had yet to ever experience it. Now I have.

Daemoibr and I decided to go to Draak for some soul juices for me. I thought...WHOOOAA that is too dangerous, but ....she said she would protect me. She either lied or grossly misjudged her ability. Those hatchlings...it was like they knew I was there. Their shrill cries...their teeth and claws all over me. There was at least 10 of them. TEN. Why would they nest in the middle of the road????

All was dark then and I....I felt...lost. I felt like I was being drawn somewhere that could perhaps be described good? Then though...then a void...a...dark void. I felt drawn there too, though not sure why. I felt like I was ripping in two...then...suddenly, I was awake, on the ground and in the guildlands.

I don't know how long I was gone....but they tell me a dragon took my corpse and then someone revived me.

The void...the void within me...it...it is larger...almost as if more has been swallowed. Great. Great. Great. More to drain, more to drain. MUST drain.

[Sereamha]

*the writing of this particular entry is steady, but beginning to look messy at times. The the style of penmanship still changes at random points*.

Met up with my friend, Shinkuu, today in the clearing. It was really good to see her again, and yet not at the same time. I am a coward, I am not afraid to admit, and she tends to make me face things I would rather not have to face.

Perhaps my cowardice comes from not being Gifted, as others are. When I see danger, I flee, so that I can live. Shinkuu wishes to aid me in harnessing this wretched void within me. Scares me....I lost more of myself when I died, I don't want to die more. She...made me concentrate and...WIDEN this void...I...I can't really remember what happened after that, I suppose I passed out. The hunger was so intense...I. .couldn't take it.I...must fulfill Shinkuu's conditions though, since I agreed to. I do hunt down blighted dragons, but I never kill them when I take their essence. Now it seems that I must. Take their very soul? I have not drawn that deeply before, purposely of course. I wonder if this will make me new enemies? Probably. I wonder if I will die more? Most likely. Will I end up losing so much of myself that I WILL become some soul sucking, crazy wraith? I hope not....but looking at things, I WILL end up dieing more~....... ......... .......

Perhaps the Ssicor fellow was right. He spoke to me and just sighed, saying he should prepare for the inevitable. Was this what he spoke of? Am I doomed? Or will this training KEEP me from dieing? I don't know......and then there are all those tamed blighty dragons I would need to destroy, and then those close to them. Horrible cycle......

[Sereamha]

Things have gotten all the more crazy it seems.

I try to help a friend relax...and she goes even crazier than I am! Reminded me of insane puppy. A huge, one tonne, puppy that was trying to tackle me. Why do they insist on tackling me? I weigh maybe 160 pounds.....maybe I have my mind spells mixed up and everyone sees me as a dragon lately.....things are beginning to be a blurr to me. I can't remember things that have recently happened. Short-term memory loss? Perhaps I am using too much mind magic. Or too little. One of those three....or five.

Dracowife is still gone....I can't take this. Feeling alone all the time, and only feeling worse as this void thing grows....I...took more than I should with Zarla, she wanted me to consume her. I did, sorta....that felt great, but I...haven't seen her since.....

[Sereamha]

*the odd penmenship is obviously that of Niveus, though it is more hapazard again*

Emptythis subject before, but now it seems to be worse. So, why not write about it again? Sure, whatever, may as well.

I do not understand why this wretched world like to give me a taste of something and then RIP IT right out of my fingers. Those monsters of the Half-Giants had the gall to call me dishonorable...yet they let me...t..taste the freedom from my mind....before LOCKING me in that cage again. ME dishonorable? I think those ghosts need to look in a mirror...perhaps a mirror with ethereal blades shooting out of it. That would be funny. Yes. Very.

Now I am left with a yearning for the sensation I can never have again.

I apparently had found love with the dragon, Dimmae, though I remember nothing of it now. Literally. I saw her once in these past months and ....that is about it. I am through with that, she obviously does not think me worth her time, and since I can not ever remember any reason I would have had to love her.
I may lose a friend now due to a promise I made to exterminate those blight dragons. I know now that they are involved in the blight and are friends with even more blighted dragons.....I...don't go back on what I say though. Another thing I have...enjoyed, only for it to be taken from me. Perhaps this Void in me is not so bad, if perhaps I give into it and not let any feelings affect me any longer.

I find myself yearning for .......someone in this emptiness that is growing within me. Shinkuu brings a happy respite to such feelings and I am happy to have her as a friend. Yet another ...thing that perhaps is slightly out of my grasp. I should be...happy she is my friend and doesn't seem to be vanishing or leaving me somehow though.

Zarla is a good dragon friend. Perhaps she shall not be blighted and.........I..don't really want to think about it.

[Sereamha]

*this entry is very, very messy. The script is scrawled everywhere along the page, but still somewhat legible.*

Betrayal. A friend I thought I had....my mind surging with even more horrid thoughts and messages.

Shinkuu offered me a way to....repair the void within me. I agreed. I have no idea what she did...but it...it did not feel like it HELPED anything...just felt like she put my mind in a blender. Hopefully changes will happen. She is a friend. She tries.

Saw Dimmae today. All she could say was sorry...and that was it. What am I supposed to do with that? Alright, I suppose I understand and forgive her, but she doesn't seem to be making any...attempt of treating me as her husband....just a weird acquaintance.

Dae...Daemonar. I thought she was a friend of mine, despite her somewhat blighted past and her friendship with Bluebell. I thought that, I really did. She wanted to talk to me in a cave, so I of course said alright. I thought it was going to be about this hatchling that keeps calling me daddy. Bluebell came too. Bluebell...tied me down with blighted thorns then.

D...Daemonar..s....she crushed a few of my ribs as they interrogated me. They wanted to know what I knew about them. Heck, I have no idea, I guessed at half the things! Bluebell just.....just laughed. She said she wasn't going to eat me or anything....I thought we were going to talk. She....she bit my right hand clean off. My hand.

Hands. I need them to cast any spells I have. I need TWO hands. She ate my right hand...I can no longer cast spells...nor weave...nor drain spirits properly. Daemonar seemed to snap to her senses and commanded that Bluebell heal me. She did...but of course she couldn't heal the HAND SHE ATE. Dae seemed horrified and begged me to forgive her later. She said she wanted me to so she could die happily? Die? She is killing herself? She wanted to tell me...something but then didn't. Drulkar or Istara or someone help me......

I must seek Shinkuu's aid with my hand...

[Sereamha]

*the penmanship is still horribly shakey*

More crazy, but some good.

I can not remember the order of things....but I do know they have happened at least.

It seems Zarla is able to use her soul to fill my voidy thing a good portion and for a long time. She is quite a caring a protective creature....I almost feel like a hatchling when around her. Or a baby...or ...whatever. Of course, according to my memory, I was a baby just last week this month....It is nice to know she is looking out for me. Honestly. With no real strings attached. .....a soft, yet somewhat scaley place to fall.

Dae is.....getting odd. She gave me this orb from her mouth and claimed it was her gift. I think she is mistaken, as Gifts do....not really work that way. In any case, it holds most of her spirit and soul within. She says she wants me to have it just in case. COME ON!! That is like asking a wolf to guard a sheep. Dangerous....but with being full with Zarla's help it is not so bad.

Speaking of the void thingy, I did something maybe....not so smart. Imagine that, eh? There was this rift...hatchling...thing. It was wanting to feed on dragon spirits. Nooooo way do I need competition in this field, the pickings are hard enough to come by as it is. It didn't need just dragons, it said it could drain skulks or something. It went right up to ancient and started draining, after I told it not to. WEEEELL, I decided to just syphon off it and take what it was taking. So I did...and got its rift energies with it. Seems my voidy thing in my soul doesn't like rift energies. It...felt like I was ripping in half. Then the riftling vanished...seems I killed it? Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.........

[Sereamha]

*the writing has now calmed, seeming less frazzled, if just as random*

Thought Dae had died. Orb thing was broken when I woke up. I thought I did it. She was gone...she said she would be there and she wasn't. Orb was cracked and broken, cracked and broken. It must have been that wretched blight....and that sniveling excuse for a dragon, Cynny. Or Bluebell........no, Cynny is what I shall call her. The desire I have to ultimately end her is...pulsing in my brain so powerfully now...it is like a hammer.

Though, perhaps I need not feel that way. I found Dae, and she seemed fine, if weak. Seems SHE had killed Cynny. Darn, I wanted to...but...oh well, at least she is gone and will leave Dae and I alone....and Ealdnuneht or whatever his name is. The pulsing remains, however.

Dae is no longer blighted apparently, and that is a WONDERFUL thing. Finally things are looking up. Though, she did say she had lost any love or desire for things. That ...could be bad. She will overcome that though, her mate will help her I am sure.

A new beginning for Dae without worrying about that horrible blight. Finally...and thank goodness.

Voidy wants to haunt me now, on another note. .....Yay.

[Sereamha]

*Now the entry has turned almost unreadable. Words run into each other, letters are placed in improper order, making sentences hard to make out*

OOHcannot bleievewhat I thoughtbefroe. Blgihtblight of course she was stillin it i wasstupidtothink thingswrok out. Shouldkill tehmma ll all. Badme badme, butwanted todrain dry themall.....thougthtloooseing friend to badblight. Lose friends alwaysalways. Not seens zarlaforwhile. Talkof dae, though, dae though.Stillaroudn thoguth notsure howlogn. BADcyny back...bad. Butlet me eat the blightedspiritjuicesthataresogoodand she seemedto be noteatingmeordae. Daepromised theywillnot be bad. PromisesoIguess I must trustatleast once. madethem promise....if promise broken, Iwillfullyconsumethatblightanditwouldbewonderfulandhorribleatthesametime.

[Sereamha]

*This entry is far less frenzied than the previous, and seems to have thick and broad strokes. The ink runs and bleeds very much, as if he was writing unbelievably slow*

Seems pointless. Why do I bother?

I get jerked around by people because...I suppose I am so trusting. I suppose it was my fault for trusting that Cynny was changing. I'm an idiot. She is teaching and gathering blighted hatchlings, instructing them to kill others.

What am I supposed to do with that?

I know exactly what I have to do, though in the end it will likely be the death of me. I may know a lot of tricks, but one bite from a lizard that big and I can kiss my sorry butt goodbye. It all relies on the chance that my stuns will take hold. Fun. Like a gambling game.

I ran into one of the blighted hatchlings, Akita? I think. He was hunting down the sister of Daemonar, trying to kill her on Cynny's advice. I am sure Daemonar will be thrilled with that. In anycase, I tore a piece of spirit from Akita, hoping to teach it a lesson. It has been warned, and next time I will not hold back. Yes, sure, I will be called a hatchling murderer, but I could care less now.

Daemonar is going into a deep sleep, I guess that means Cynny thinks she has free reign to be a moron. Oh well. I do wonder how Dae will take it when she awakens to find either me or Cynny wiped off the face of Istaria. It will be one of us....and knowing my luck, it will be me.

I am now learning to treat 'friends' as temporary things. It never seems to last. They either just...totally vanish, get corrupted, or die. Why get so attached to people if they are just going to put you through that? Makes no sense. No sense.

I have not seen Shinkuu or Zarla for...a long long time. That Dimmae creature doesn't even know me. Nata says she will be around...though I don't think I should trust anything anyone says anymore. Perhaps I should just be a wraith that stalks Istaria searching for corrupted dragon souls to devour. Dragon parents could scare their hatchlings with tails of the Wraith and warn them to be good. At least I would have a goal in life.

Of course, this is assuming that this entry is not my last will and testament.

[Sereamha]

*This entry is very legible. The style still changes mid-sentence, but the letters are eerily neat...and burned through the page*

Returned. Do not know why. Stronger, yet more desparate. Consumed the ancient. Have energy for now. Need more and will get it.

[Sereamha]

*This page is crinkled and torn with ink smudges all over it, as if someone kept dropping the quill in the middle of writing*

Wh..en I see foo...d....I take it if I am ...hungry. No a.skin....g now. I can not stop it. I take and I can't bring.. myself to c..are. I know I used to. I rec...all the feeling, but it is ...ab..sent now. Completely absent....

Some... geniu..s gave me an orb with energy in it. They to...ld me a drop of energy is enough t..o wipe out an ...entire island. Brilliant... Give th...at to the elf who woul...d rather consume you than look at you. I may just try and consume t..he orb and see what h...appens. Or perhaps s...et it off on New Vass...Vess...Vasserak or whatever the place is called.
...
I feel so little now. I find myself grin....ning through .mu...scle memory, yet I feel nothi...ng within.. me stir. I only feel emptiness.....a crushing emptiness. Daemonar has sided.. with Cynny it seems.....and I said my goodbye to her. I felt... like I was fa..lling from a tall mountain with only darkness swirling at th..e botto...m. I still f....eel that way, if it is ..an emo...tion, I can not remember the word for it.

Dem...onWing has said h....e is going a...fter Cynny, and I will join him. I know where she hide..s. I will likely face off with Daemonar too. Daemonar said if Cynny dies, she dies. So ...be it. I think I only have one more...'death' in me b..efore I am simply a monster ...wandering the wilds...but if Demon and I ca...n make a difference and... rid Istari..a of Cynny and perha...ps free Daemonar through death, perhaps my life would hav.e been worth something.

[Sereamha]

*Another entry. The letters of this one seemed to be cut out of the page....no scorch marks. The paper just seems to have vanished*

Writing with my finger is easier. Stupid quill.

I am at an utter loss. I have yet to see DemonWing yet to get the plan I HAD in motion. I do not even know if it would work...or if he would even be willing to go through with it now.

I saw Daemonar near New Trismus and followed her. I was curious, though I can not explain why exactly. However dull they may be, I feel some emotion when speaking with her, be it anger, sadness or mirth. Maybe I was hoping to feel some of that.

She told me....that her friend was gone. Her elf friend was gone. That she had murdered him and ....he was not coming back. This caused a....sadness and an anger to well within me again. I was standing right there...and yet she says I am gone. The void has consumed who am I entirely then? I...was so....mad. I blasted her between the eyes with a firebolt. I think I temporarily blinded her. She did not fight back. Perhaps who I was IS gone. I do not think I would have done that before.

She then told me.....she had left her mate. Poor DemonWing. She said he took it well.....though I really have no idea if that is true or not. She is leaving, she says.....leaving to live in the blight with Cynny so she won't hurt anyone. I think they will....if sided with blight. She called herself a demon and that she can not hide as she is now. Then she said something before she rested that......suprised me to the core of my being.

She said she loved me.

[Sereamha]

*the letters are cut, yet again, but slightly more haphazard this time*

Insanity. Insanity. That is what my life is.

I spoke with Daemonar again. She clarified that she loves all her friends. Makes sense I guess. She is a good friend, and yet not at the same time.

Daemonar asked me to join her and Cynny in their leaving of society. I may have said yes, if Cynny was not involved. She is a wretched, vomit-inducing, half-witted piece of rotting blight flesh that I want to consume to the very core of my being. I have never wanted to destroy something so badly.....even my father.

They are linked. Daemonar and Cynny. If one dies, the other does. Lovely. I can seem to fight the urge to consume Daemonar...at least I used to. Now Cynny and her....and this Starcrystal are controlling fallen warriors? WHAT? Daemonar says that she will keep them from Cynny, but that is a lie.

I told her to stay away from me. I could destroy Cynny so easily if I just destroyed Daemonar. I....I do not want to hurt Daemonar ...b.....but the longer she is in this blight and Cynny is an idiot, the more powerful the sensation gets. I can not hold back forever. I WILL consume my closest friend if she continues down this path and continues to follow me around.

I just want to be rid of Cynny from my mind....but...that will never happen if Dae is still with her and always following me.

I try to escape her, for her own good, but she is right on my heels. She says she doesn't want to lose me. She is afraid I will die again and this time fully be a wraith. I...need to find a way that my body can die, but the spirit stay in the same place. Perhaps a phylactery? Can a phylactery hold my void? ..........Perhaps a lich? With no blight...no blight....I hate that stuff too much.

I can at least escape to my dreams now, thanks to Zarla. Gives me some rest at least. Shinkuu, I have yet to see. Perhaps she is with her mate. I..think I miss them. It is hard to feel things. When I DO feel things it is with Daemonar....and it is usually frustration or anger. There are some peaceful times though.....perhaps that is why I put up with it.

[Sereamha]

*this entry is more controlled, though the letters are still....'cut' out from the page*

They came back. I saw them again.

Zarla and Shinkuu.

Zarla seemed...frozen almost. I was not sure what was wrong with her, until I realized that perhaps because her firey spirit was busy keeping my dreams ...uh....dreamable. I attempted to help her by...somehow giving it back? Only to find that it was gone already. How very odd. She started to warm once we started to talk though.

She looked horrible. Body seemed to be ....broken, but the more we spoke, the better she became. I think I am happy to see her improving. She hugged me a lot. Hugging dragons is an odd sensation...it is like...uh....fish hugging falcons. Though I may look to be a fish, I feel like the falcon in that regard.

She is worried for me. She seems to think I can fill this void in my soul with emotions. Love is the one she spoke of. She wants me to love my friends, love Istaria, love what I do....just love something. That is something I find.....very very difficult to do. It was difficult before the void, now after......I have a hard time even recognizing it.

I met up with Shinkuu later. She was with her mate and seemed to....be alright on the surface. She and Daemonar were speaking with DemonWing there. Daemonar. WHAT was she doing there, I thought to myself. Apparently she broke her ties with Cynny completely....though....I......wonder why.

Shinkuu was happy to see me. She seems to be better at expressing than I am. Perhaps because she has a mate. Shinkuu gave me a hug as well, and my ....robe...mist...things seem to really like her aura. Stupid things keep reaching for her. Anyway, Shinkuu horrified me when she seemed to be willing to destroy what Daemonar was. Daemonar was willing, too. To have a void purposely put within her. Shinkuu normally would have never agreed to that. I stopped that crazy idea though, thankfully. Shinkuu had to leave with her mate, but ....told me almost the same thing Zarla did about that love stuff. Easy for her to say I guess...she HAS a mate.

DemonWing has lost his memory. Daemonar doesn't seem to be acting the same way with him either. Does that mean...she doesn't want him to remember? Perhaps they are not together....it doesn't seem like they are. Daemonar still seems to stay close to me. I am not entirely sure what to do. I do worry for her and enjoy being in her company, especially now that she isn't tied to Cynny. I feel like I actually grin more and almost joke with her. Is this....perhaps what Shinkuu and Zarla were talking about? It confuses me....confuses me.

[Sereamha]

*Finally, there is ink on the page and it seems somewhat controlled. Of course though, the style varies rapidly*

Ha, I can use a quill again thanks to Shinkuu and Shadina. I do not fully understand how, but they....allowed the ethrealness of my hands be focused slowly into odd claws at the end of my fingers. I have to be careful what I touch with them. They are a direct link to my void. Good? Bad? Well, in anycase, I can write normally again.

I had tea with Zarla, Shinkuu and Shadina. To be honest, my body does not react much to the tea anymore, but the company was good. I wonder if Zarla would be offended if I said this, but she reminds me of a cat. She seemed to find my lap to be a rather good pillow.

Later that day, I decided to visit the valley where the dragons, and at odd times bipeds, gather. Daemonar was there. So was Dimmae. They were having some sort of heated conversation that I just caught the end of. Seems Daemonar told Dimmae that I was dead. Why would she do that I wonder? Anywho, Dimmae seemed to relax a bit....Daemonar seemed tense still.

Dim was VERY interested in me all of a sudden. Sniffing me and asking questions. She then turned into her human form to talk to us. That was surprising, I ....well...I can only RECALL ever seeing that once before. She......was very pretty. I find it odd that she is so willing to assume such a form, and yet Daemonar seems so against even turning into a khutit. Where was I? Ah. Dimmae then gave me back a ring she said I had given her. I assume it was the companion to the ring I USED to wear on the hand that got EATEN.

Dimmae then retreated into the woods. On Dae's advice I followed her to see if I could help. She and I spoke...and she seems to be tormented about not knowing things...and yet horrified at the prospect of learning them. I offered my sorcerer services in helping her remember. She refused at first, but eventually accepted. So next time we meet, that is the plan. Oh and I devoured most of her spirit while out there. She'll be fine in a bit.

I wonder...what this will do. What things will change if she remembers? Will she be happy?