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Thread: A Heartfelt Notion of Sorrow

  1. #1

    Unhappy A Heartfelt Notion of Sorrow

    *sighs* Where to begin...

    It's been several weeks since I was last in Istaria as some of you may or may not have noticed. When I was there, I fought with myself against making the one choice I honestly didn't think I'd ever consider; which was to intentionally resign myself from the world. After what appeared to be an eternity of reliving memories from the past and silenty watching events unfold in the present, the choice to leave seemed to unfortunately be the one I found myself leaning towards. However; I do not fault this entirely on Istaria, as there are factors in the realm of reality that also push me in this direction. Those factors are things that I am naturally working to resolve, and it does appear that good news is on the horizon for me.

    In regards to Istaria, allow me to state a few things that have been running through my mind these past few weeks. Bear with me, I can be quite long-winded:

    This choice for me is insanely difficult. You would never think that deciding to stay or leave in a world such as this would bring a person such emotional pain, but my attachment to this place and all of my friends goes far beyond words. Is it merely because I have been here since beta? Perhaps it's due to my various adventure and crafting classes that I stand to lose. Hmm. No, it's not that either. So, among the many possible reasons I may have, what could make this choice so hard for me? In short, all of you. It's no secret that my friends are what bind me to Istaria. It was the kind actions of a complete stranger that got me to stay upon my arrival, when I knew absolutely nothing about this world or how to live within it. We became friends, and soon I had made a few more. Those friends helped me grow (not level wise, but as a person) and I began to change from the quiet and timid wanderer to the "loveably strange" adventurer you all know today. I made a promise to myself back then. As long as I have my friends, I will stay in Istaria. The friends that promise was made for have long since moved on, while I stayed behind.

    I made new friends as time passed on; and while it still pained me to think of my friends who were no longer here, I had met more wonderful people that helped me to continue enjoying the world. While these "new friends" are now people that I have known for quite some time, I would've been gone long before had I not met them. So, my promise was renewed. Unfortunately, those friends have also moved on. For awhile, I continued that cycle, basically afraid to leave those that I became attached to. Yes, it may sound stupid, but I have an attachment to each and every single person I have ever called a friend in Istaria. It's as I've said before, you all mean more to me than I can ever tell you. In one way or another, you've all given me something to be happy about over these few years. From Glimmers' tackle pounce all the way to Phillip attempting to "pimp me", I have a fond memory of all of you. Every memory may not be right at the top of my head, but believe me...I have a special moment that I remember for everyone that I've ever crossed paths with.

    You are my greatest strength, and also my greatest weakness. For quite some time, I have resisted leaving because I didn't want to leave my friends. While Istaira may be an imagined world, the friends that are made are very real. I have some people in this world that I am closer to than those in reality. I happen to cherish friendships a great deal, and the thought of intentionally putting one at risk of deteriorating or fading completely is a hard thought for me to deal with. I have struggled with this for several months, and even in my recent absence. I can honestly say that it hurts to think of not talking to or seeing some of you again. Kwinn in his Battlemage gear (and one of the few who refuse to wear an invisible helm), standing at the Bristugo portal with items to sell and tactical advise to share. Sonea and her Southern Stout and Awdz's Klava; Mystif's amazingly accurate News Network; Flozzie and his drunken insults...haha, Warsong's flirts and bashing of Maiyr; Nich's beach runs, the happiness Hoberton showed the day I made his suit, my days at Ye Old Pub, ToGath and his dedication to remembering how much I love Ethereal Tablets, Yuusuke's kind and thoughtful conversation, Lynara's silly jokes, and so many more. Don't think I have forgotten you just because I don't mention your name; trust me when I say that I won't forget a single soul. I think I would be able to write a novel based on my memories of various people, past and present.

    My reason for leaving is not simply because of the transfer of Istaria to EI, nor is it due to the performance of Horizons as a whole. I am leaving primarily because I have to find a reason to stay that doesn't wholly depend on my friends being there. It's not fair to any of you to have to be my crutch to remain a part of this world.

    I don't want to leave this world and my friends. I truly and honestly don't. However, I feel that this is a choice I have to make right now. If it's meant for me to ever return, then rest assured that you will see me running around in my boxers in the Eastern Blight. However, if it is not meant for me, then please know that I am going to miss every single Istarian incredibly...and you have been the best friends that I could have ever asked for in this virtual world.


    Your friend always,

    - Carinde
    Last edited by Carinde; October 14th, 2006 at 05:55 AM. Reason: Title correction
    Carinde "Demigoddess" Ryder
    Citizen of Order, Axe & Anvil Guild

  2. #2

    Default

    I hope and pray that a fair wind and a following sea will yet one day return ye to this Land, Milady Carinde . . . .
    Before you criticize anyone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then, when you criticize him, you'll be a mile away. And you'll have his shoes.

  3. #3

    Default

    Maybe one day we'll find another beach, in another world. The sand hasn't been the same for a while anyways

  4. #4

    Default So long Carinde, we hate to see you go!

    Goodbye Carinde, wish you well in your future endeavors.
    I regret I have but one life to waste for Istaria!

  5. #5
    Member Kulamata's Avatar
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    Unhappy

    I hope you realize for how many players you were an outstanding example; skill, demeanor, commitment, general comportment.

    You were one of the players that helped define Expanse, and even though so many of your friends have moved on (a feeling I know too well) you were still admired by many.

    Not least by me.

    PS. Characters are never deleted, so yours will still be waiting faithfully if matters should take a turn...
    ____Kulamata Quality Armor___
    None Genuine without this Pawprint `',''

    Achiever 86%, Explorer 60%, Socializer 46%, Killer 6%.

  6. #6

    Default

    Great, now I'll have to find someone else to pimp.


  7. #7

    Default Carinde

    I am sorry to see you leave, and hope one day, that you will return, to a better, stronger world, and to see many folks return. I have seen a nice return, of late, of my friends that have left. It really is a good feeling to see them again.

    Good Luck Carinde!

  8. #8

    Default You will be missed

    Carinde,


    You were a mentor and friend to many. It is a sad day to see you leave. We shall all miss and think of you often. I will miss seeing you run by me in those boxers while I am getting beat to a bloody pulp in eastern blight. May the wind guide and keep you safe.

  9. #9

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    Another sad day. Take care my friend

    Jayne

  10. #10

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    Carinde you have typed what I too have felt myself - for truly I feel I call "friend" every one of the few hundred in the Order community left. The idea of leaving *them* more than the game is what continues to keep me here.

    For how could I leave you all?!

    You will be missed my dear, but I understand your words from the heart and echo them. I just don't have the wherewithal to leave yet - hope springs eternal. Even as my friend's list itself lays empty.

    To
    Frith-Rae BridgeSol
    Great Elder of Keir Chet K'Eilerten
    Iea has returned.

  11. #11

    Default

    Carinde,

    It's been ages since I've been around myself, but I wanted to poke my head in here and say goodbye to you. You've been a model Istarian, a model MMO player, and indeed, a model human being. No matter what you obtained or attained, whether it be knowledge, wisdom or otherwise, you were always willing to share all of it with whoever asked, or seemed as though they could benefit from it.


    The entirety of online gaming needs more people like you in these virtual worlds. It's a loss to all of us as you depart.

    Maybe someday yours and all of our paths will cross again. I hope for that day, and look forward to it. Best of luck to you, and enjoy whatever it is you do and wherever it is you go from here.

    ~ Henry

    P.S. - Rawdge says goodbye too.

  12. #12

    Default You are all too kind...

    Thank you to everyone that has read this message. I can't express my gratitude enough for the kind words. I have so much to say, but I'm certain it would probably not only bore you, but quite possibly drive you insane if I put my feelings about everyone into words. However, for those of you that have responded, I have the following to say to you:

    Tantalyr: We go back so far that it's hard to imagine not hearing your entertaining accent any longer. I was incredibly pleased and honored to have you as a guildmate and a friend. Stay as friendly and as noble as you always have been. Maybe those winds will carry me back home one day, and I hope that you are there to welcome me on that day.

    Nich: It's just not a fight without a naked Satyr at your side. I've enjoyed all of the fights we've had on the field, and the wonderfully sarcastic conversations during those fights. No matter what beach I visit, I'll be sure to look behind me to see if you're anywhere around. Keep on showing the world how Rangers do things.

    Silenos: Thank you for the warm wishes. I am truly disheartened by my decision, but I also feel that this is what is currently best for me to do. I also wish you the best in your journey, as you've made some wonderful progress over the time that you've lived in the world.

    Kulamata: I have had an immense amount of respect for you since I've known you. I've known you to be very honest and noble in your actions and even in the way you carry yourself. While you say that I am example to some, I believe that you are just as much an example as I may have been, and it's a true honor to be able to call you a friend.

    Phillip: You remind me so much of Nawa Shibari that it's almost scary. Like him, he had a way of being brutally honest, and always sticking to his convictions regardless of the opinions of others. (Hmm, that would be Kwinn as well). However, beyond that barbed exterior lied a very sincere and kind individual. It was that side that I saw and respected. In the time I've known you, I haven't seen that change about you, and I'm thankful for that. Once people get to know you, perhaps they'll see the same thing that I have, and still do today. You're definitely a good friend to have.

    Heather: You and I have shared some rather interesting times together. Your desire to help others is something that has always amazed me, as well as your incredibly insane patience for crafting. I don't think I've ever met someone who gained so much joy from crafting as much as you do. I could only wish for such patience, and I've been told I have quite a bit as is. Istaria is lucky to have you as a part of the community.

    Sierana: I consider myself to be the lucky one to be able to share anything that I've ever learned from my experiences in Istaria. While I shared the things that I knew or saw, I also learned many things from others, both elder and young. I will definitely think of all of you; to be honest, I do quite frequently. You keep practicing out there in that blight; the Aegis are pansies, and once you figure out their strategies, it will be you that does the beating to them. I guarantee it.

    Jayne: You've been a role model to me for quite some time. Hearing of your tales and adventures were always a source of inspiration from the moment I heard of you. "Hurricane Jayne", as you are called. I smile everytime I come across that name, because I know they could only be talking about you. We've only actually spent a very short time together, but that time helped form a bond that I'll hold onto for a long time to come. I am very thankful for the time you appeared on Order, as that was a small dream come true to have a friend cross worlds just to hang out for a moment.

    Frith-Rae: Good lord, how long have we known each other? I think I may have been there for your Rite of Passage. It's friendships like these that I am so thankful to have, and so hesitant to walk away from. It's good to know that someone else out there understands my feelings regarding this. Though I hope that I will gain the courage to return to Istaria now that I am gone. I feel rather weak for using my friends as a reason to stay, and I want to find my own reason for existing in that world. Maybe...just maybe, I will one day.

    Henry: haha, my casual adventuring and crafting friend. I have waited for ages to one day see you in Mithril armor, or cast a Tier V spell. I think you intentionally procrastinate just to drive me nuts. Still, casual as you are, you are also very loyable and dependable. Since our humble start on our little realm of Dawn, you've been just as friendly then as you are now. I will definitely miss seeing you around. Oh, and the next time you see Rawdge in your travels, tell him "I should've known..."
    Carinde "Demigoddess" Ryder
    Citizen of Order, Axe & Anvil Guild

  13. #13
    Member C`gan's Avatar
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    Default

    Safe journeys and threadfree skies, Carinde. Please come back to us when the time is right.
    C`gan Weyrsinger, blue Tagath's rider, WorldProjects Team Lead Emeritus
    Tagath, blue Lunus "for the breath weapon"
    Located in sunny Acul on Trandalar, Order shard

  14. #14
    Member peladon's Avatar
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    Default On waiting...

    Quote Originally Posted by Carinde
    *sighs* Where to begin...

    - Carinde
    My words are but the whisper of a forgotten wind. Let them be lost or found as suits the seeker.

    Where and when and who and why... These are but words, though spirit lies deep within them. And in sooth, there are few beginnings, and less of ends.

    Carinde Elder. Ye have not left our lands. Ye cannot leave our lands while but one remains that bears thy spirit and thy knowing in them. And there are those that yet walk, and thy spirit is the land's spirit, and both land and walkers are better for that thing.

    There is a blade in my pack, and never does it leave me. It was given to me by another long gone, and I bear it till I may set it again in that one's hand. For I am old, and I am Least, and there is little of merit about me. Save one thing, mayhap.

    I endure.

    And this is no slight to any that sleep. There are deeds that must be done and not all lie among our lands. And there are those that, for a time or for a tide or for an ever may not be with us.

    But they do not leave us.

    Sleep, Battle Queen. Sleep, and take thy time. And if ever ye wake... then there will be blue greeting for thee. And if ever ye do not... then know ye are with us yet.


    Sephiranoth, called by some ShadowSeeker
    Nobody and Nothing ever, save the Five do Feast
    A Fool that walks among the Wise.

  15. #15

    Default

    /me hoards Carinde.

    I heard you had finally said goodbye. I had to come respond.

  16. #16

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    Carinde

    Words will not describe my sorrow. Since the days of old my Sig has always been (Don't cry because its over, Smile because it happened) If ever there was a time to follow that it is now. But I am finding it hard when Arremus left I felt horrible, When Stanton left I felt Lost. At your leaving I feel Pain, No longer will your Arrows stop the Monsters so that my Healing has the time to work, You made me the Healer that my friends know with your ability to lend me the time I need. Your Friendship at each log in was something I and everyone that knew you looked forward to. I was hoping you would have taken my suggestion at becoming the first to master all the classes so much that I started to collect trophys for you. But I will bow to your choice and honor the memories that you gave me. I promise that you will always have a place in my mind in each battle that I fight. I will feel you there like a ghost limb and will know that somewhere you are still fighting.

    I will miss you, Please stay in touch and know that in the SOG team your place will never be taken. I will keep it open in hope that you log in once again.

    I could write all day about you and still only scratch the surface of what it meant for me to be your friend. (If you want to hear it all I would be happy to PM you all the details) Again be safe and know you will always be someone I think of with every awakening.
    Warsong
    Paladin/Healer

    Don't cry because its over,Smile because it happend

  17. #17

    Default

    Good gosh, no one told me you left! And now I find out from a stray conversation and even though I never talked with you in great length on anything, I enjoyed your company and everything you stood for. You were humble and modest about your level and classes taken. You were extremely kind and giving. I also enjoyed your appearance in the RP channel I frequented long ago. I didn't get to say goodbye *whimpers*

    What you've said there is a choice I've had to make and remake again and again with this world. I know it's not easy at all, and that it's extremely painful. I hope you make it through and remember some of us are just an email away. =)

    You will be sorely missed! I wish you well where ever you go and lord I hope I run into you again. I'll always be running around as Chioxin, so please please please prod me if you see me elsewhere. Take care Carinde!
    Last edited by Chioxin; November 1st, 2006 at 07:53 PM.

  18. #18

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    Sometimes I think back and smile at the good times we had.

    I've been exploring the universe of Eve for almost a year now, if you ever decide to give it a shot, look me up - my name is Jahya Massai.

    Best wishes...
    Ashtoreth, Order

  19. #19

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    Carinde,

    For you I doffed my helm and mask for one last SOG hunt. I've never done that for anyone else. I guess you know now how much knowing you means to me.

    All the best,
    Kwinn
    Mortal Danger is an effective antidote for fixed ideas... Erwin Rommel

    Dulce Bellum Inexpertis

    Dog: The other white meat

    Order Server

    Heavily multiclassed Human Hunter, 'overpowered' to the nth degree of beejeezusness and damned proud of it. Nerf me, go ahead make my day

  20. #20

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    Although I've never played on Order, I can relate to everything you have written. It reminds me of friends I have made on Twilight/Chaos.

    Most of them have moved on as well, some pretty good people. I find myself playing less and less in Chaos, and have traveled to another realm and began exploring. Several of my old friends are in the other realm and were excited to see me finally make the journey. I speak of Kel'Thuzad in the world of Warcraft. For now I am just exploring, seeing what wonders it may hold.

    The guild I am in is considered a "family oriented" guild. No cursing is allowed on ventrilo. Everyone I've met so far reminds me of the good people I know in Istaria.

    I can still travel between these 2 worlds, and likely will do so for a time. I just wanted to let you know there are other realms where good people do exist, despite the rumours spread by the Vielo in Istaria about them. See for yourself like I am. If you find yourself in Kel'Thuzad (Alliance), say hello. You will be welcomed.

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