How to Cook a Gnome
If you have ever tried to cook a gnome, you know how difficult it is. The following instructions are fool proof!
1. Pick up the gnome and place carefully in a pot. Add water, cover, and place over a fire.
2. Retrieve cover from floor and gnome from under brass bell collection. Repeat step 1.
3. Retrieve gnome from nesting cave and restart fire that was dowsed by the water in the pot.
4. Refill pot with water. Hold gnome's feet tightly in left claw and force gnome into the pot. Hold gnome in pot for a count of ten.
5. Briefly breathe fire on yourself to dry off scales, retrieve gnome from top of your silver crown collection. Call your mate in from hunting party.
6. Sit on cave floor with gnome wedged firmly between hind legs. Holding hands and feet, ignore low whimpers emitted by gnome. Get mate to boil pot of water. Drop gnome in pot and hold cover down vigilantly.
7. Retrieve gnome from ceiling of cave, refill pot with water. Make note on sandstone shard to buy a new pot cover and repair ceiling. Carefully remove broken sword collection, for repair later.
8. Wrap gnome in scale pack and get mate to lie on gnome. Impale a cooking spit through the pack and place over the fire, turning occasionally.
9. Check tail for burns. Get a bucket of water and rinse mouth to remove ashes. Use Instant Heal on mate and use remaining water to wash blood off of cave floor.
10. Retrieve gnome from neighbor's cave. Restart the fire. Place gnome in large roasting pan. Cover. Place 10 obsidian bricks on cover to hold in place. Put roasting pan in dragonscale forge.
11. Use lairshaping ability and repair cracks in forge. Cast Refreshing Breeze and check mate for signs of consciousness. Throw ruined chest scale away and obtain a new one.
12. Call guild members to help retrieve gnome from elm tree outside town. Apologize to neighbor who broke a wing after being startled by gnome while trying to land. Restart the forge.
13. Whip the gnome with your tail until thoroughly stunned. Place gnome on cargo disk and cover with generous portions of venison for extra flavour. Add salt and pepper to taste. Place cargo disk in forge. Baste with water frequently.
14. Recall to your shrine. Wait patiently while recovering. Contact a tinkerer to replace your cargo disk.
15. Arrange for a confectioner to deliver a malachite pie with extra dim essence sauce for dinner.
