imported_Eileen Mavourneen
Guest
Roland the Headless Longbow Ogre
When I was but a young elf, my parents had the foresight to take me to New Koraelia where no Withered Aegis forces had yet been seen. They were eager, y'see, that my education not be interrupted by any of the disturbances which were then going on in Istaria. However, on the journey we had the misfortune to encounter a WA scouting party along the road. My parents, who were ELVEN scouts of many seasons themselves, detected the filthy creatures with enough warning so that they hurriedly packed me under some boulders and branches and impressed upon me the necessity of being absolutely silent, no matter what.
We hid there as the foul enemy stopped to rest, and one of the horrifying events of that evening was having to listen silently to their torturous singing. One of the songs that I heard has stayed with me for the rest of my life -- for I was at a very impressionable age, and I sing it for you now to give insight into the truly hideous nature of the Withered Aegis. Be glad you can hear it in clear elven tones and not as I did that terrifying night!
<(A barely perceptible voice from the sky seems to offer apologies to the late W.Z. and also to Kevin Simbieda for shameless theft of names and ideas, in the honored tradition of filk music..)>
<Smiles, then hums in clear, lovely elven voice, and begins...>
Roland was a ogre from the top of Mount Nimro,
His longbow was for hire, a-fighting he would go.
He signed the deal with the Avatar on a dark and stormy day
And set out for the curs-ed front to join the bloody fray.
For 27 years or so they fought their bloody war.
Their claws curled round their weapons, standing knee-deep in gore;
For days and nights they battled cleaner races to their knees,
Oh they killed to earn their living and to help out the poor zombies...
Roland the long-bow ogre, Mt Nimro's favorite son!
I can still see him sitting there in the fire light
Crafting arrows after all the fighting's done.
His comrades fought beside him - VonBlessing and the rest
But of all the long-bow ogres, it was Roland was the best!
So the Avatar got jealous, said "It's best if Roland's dead!"
And that undead-Sslick VonBlessing, well he chewed off Roland's head.
Roland the headless longbow ogre, Swore he'd never rest until he'd evened up the score!
I can still see his headless body, in the grim torch light,
Crafting arrows, fighting on, forever more.
Roland went out looking for the scum what done him in,
Found him in the Yin-Sloth in a bar-room drinking gin.
Roland nocked an arrow; with a deafening thunder clap
He shot VonBlessing's body completely off the map!
Roland the headless longbow ogre, Mt Nimro's favorite son!
I can still see his headless body stalking through the night,
But the tale's not over, no, it's not yet done.
The eternal longbow ogre, still stalking through the night --
Now it's 20 years later but he still keeps up the fight:
Seems the contract that he signed's not filled til EVERY elf is dead.
It's not a valid cancellation just 'cause an ogre lost his head.
Roland the headless longbow ogre, didn't read before he signed, now he must fight forever more;
And they docked his pay a dozen years to compensate the loss
Of von Blessing's loyal service to the boss.
<Smiles, lowers her eyes and bows in a manner befitting an elf of her station.>
