Withered Aegis Report: January 2006
War News
The Aegis Council has issued the following edict effective immediately:
"All Withered tinkerers are directed to immediately cease and desist from even remembering, much less celebrating, the Winter Festival. Most importantly, fer Gawd's sake STOP MAKING FREAKIN' WINTER FESTIVAL ORNAMENTS AND CRYSTALS! The Council has measured a substantial uptick in the number of attacks on our treasured wraiths, ghosts, skeletons, mummies and zombies by the Living Races seeking these knicknacks. It appears that only our beloved Fyakki and Necroflies have been sensible enough not to bother carrying these toys, and the rest of the Aegis, sorry to say, can't buy the brains necessary to take the hint."
Commented Nekro the Flier on this edict: "Zzzzzzt! Dumpazzzz zkeletonzzz . . . . Zzzzzt!"
In other news concerning our ongoing war with the Living Races, it has come to the attention of this reporter that some among the Races are actually suggesting that we, the great and powerful Aegis, are . . . WOOSSIES. There, I said it! Pardon the editorial comment, but Jeez! Give us a break! You bloodthirsty (and bloodfilled) races whine that we don't march on your towns and settlements enough, but do you ever consider how hard it is to put a group together to do that? A really BIG group? I mean, c'mon! We've got lives too! How long does it take you guys to put together a group of six or ten to assault (for the billionth time) our precious Valkor? Two hours? Six? And you want us to put together a group of FIFTY to a HUNDRED at the drop of a hat! It's tough enough to put together a wraith group on Elnath and you want us to drag folks away from corpse brides and eating maggot dinners so we can have a hundred or more come play with you? Talk about your double standards!
Construction News
Work on the Cenotaphs has unfortunately been completed by the Living Races despite General Reklar's PROMISE that it would never happen. Unsurprisingly, the Aegis Council has tatooed a bullseye on the General's forehead and he is now hunted forever by the Living Races. Maybe that will teach him not to make promises he can't keep.
Personals
Wedding Announcement: Mr. and Mrs. Gigaroth Jones are pleased to announce the wedding of their offspring (if you can't figure out who it is, please pick up a few ornaments and crystals from the nearest Withered tinkerer) to Morticia Wraithspasm. The ceremony is to take place at the Aegis Fortress in the Eastern Deadlands on Sunday, January 22, at 10:00 a.m. (SoG's health permitting).
Submitted by your reporter,
Grimace Enpayne
