Listen!

[Spirit]

Not sure what I'd be doing now if I didn't listen to that 'inner voice'.

That was from http://community.istaria.com/forum/s...ad.php?t=17039.

Well I certainly didn't listen to it today, and I'm disgusted with my own lack of judgement.

Unlikely, but does anyone know anything about calcified fractures? Can they heal again if rebroken?

In a big nutshell.. I found a crow on the roadside the other day that clearly had a fracture along one of its wings. I'd been looking after it until I could find some kind of home for it. Unfortunately, of the two sanctuaries I know of, one is waterfowl only and the other said they need to know from a vet if it could recover or not. I can't stand vets... their answer to anything is the bl00dy needle (they tried to kill my dog twice, and he lived for another good 6 years), so while loathed to do so I took it to the vet.

Initially, after examining it, she was like "there are good signs this is just a bad bruising; probably from a fight but they should get over it" so I was positive and asked for a note I could pass to the sanctuary. So she slipped off again, to then come back and say the head vet took a look and found a calcified fracture that had rebroken, so it was probably the best to put it to sleep. Talk about getting your hopes up then slapping you in the face. Rather too stunned to think straight, I agreed and went back to the car. I had the time, and the means, to look after it for the time required to see if there was any chance of a recovery (I'm usually a live and let live type) .. but I didn't have the wit to Wake Up; by the time I did less than a couple of minutes later, I went back in and they'd already done the deed.

Now I just feel like I've single-handedly caused a senseless death, and it's bl00dy horrible. "Chill.. it's just a bird" you might say, but on moral grounds it doesn't matter what it is... that's my heart talking, I didn't listen to it so I'm now paying the price. It's not like the family dog that, after 16 years, finally becomes so overcome with cancer that he can't breath, has no more options for surgery and will with no uncertainty die a miserable death. There the needle was a blessing for that poor soul, but in this case it was not justified and it's my doing entirely. All that's in my mind is the two words... "what if".

I hope that others may learn from my error.

Rakku

[Sigi]

That's a really sad story
You could try an other "what if" (don't know if it makes you feel better though)
What if you had not found the bird?
It would have probably died a horrible dead.

In this case it was found by you, you cared! Don't blame yourself too much, I made - I think - wrong decisions at the vet too (what is it with those people?) had nightmares about it, but if I think rational about it, it wasn't so wrong after all. Or at least it was understandable.

Same with the crow. It is sad but you tried your best.

[Galilee]

I have thought so often in my life, especially concerning (decisions about) animals: 'Why didn't I listen to my heart, my instinct; why did I let so called 'rational thoughts' get in the way yet again? My heart knew the right thing; my brains then came in and broke something'...

But well... that's always hindsight... it's só dificult for us humans to fully trust our feelings, instead of our head...

I think I know how awful you are feeling about it; this happened too often to me too. And these are never easy things to leave behind.
All you can do now, I think, is try to learn from it; try to not let it happen this way the next time. And hope that one day you will master this... I know I hope the same for myself.

As to the medical side: as far as I know (I've had a waterfowl-sanctuary for years), a calcified fracture hardly heals... but it's not impossible to heal. With good replacing and immobilizing, and a lót of patience, it might have healed again. Though it would probably have remained a tender spot, with risks for re-breaking in the future.. In that respect, this bird might never have become fit enough again to place it back in the wild.
Having said that though, you might have been able to find a sanctuary somewhere that would have been able to keep this bird in semi-freedom, in a place where it could have spent it's life in relative freedom yet also in safety, with help from it's guardians to get the food it needed and maybe wouldn't have been able to obtain by itself in the wild anymore.
But well... I have no idea if those circumstances cóuld have been found anywhere within reach of you of course; and if not.. then what is done now might have been the best possible decision after all. Better then starving and being sick and miserable 'in the free wild'. Try to keep that in mind, when judging yourself...

[LOVWYRM]

I sign what Galilee said to 100%.

Let me add the following:

ZEN phiolosphy says: All what matters is the intention
(sry, lousy translation I fear)

Sometimes in life you HAVE to decide ,though you are ill- informed and without any competent advice, and even your heart does not speak loud enough.
I doubt, weather there are wrong decisions. In the moment you decide it`s right, sure it might prove wrong hours, days, years later.
But you made a decision, and you helped that little feathered friend as good as you understood.

I`ve been in similar situations before:Having 2-4 cats all life long, I trust in my
feelings, but last year, I waited a bit too long, cause I would not let my old friend go. But one morning I saw in his eyes that it`s time- he told me so.
Atm my oldest cat suffers from an eye disease. I´ve changed medication from hard to soft- and it works. It was a risk, but I felt it is better for him.

Your decision was right, Spirit- in one or the other way
and thanks for reminding me to- LISTEN

[Spirit]

Thank you very much for the replies. Very much appreciated.

I really had to put on a show at work today as I was miserable inside; if you can't leave your issues at home with this job you're in the wrong place, so I'm in an odd way pleased I got through.

Had an apple-sized lump when I passed the same spot on the motorway though.

I'm sorry to hear about your cat Lovwyrm... ... it's horrible when you reach a day like that. My dog was put down three days after I last saw him, but when I left for college I saw his head poking around the living room door and his entire look said "I'm not going to see you again" and I knew he was in a bad way, so I did go back for one last goodbye. Gut wrenching even now.

I think the best I can think now is that I prevented what would have been a certain miserable death, and changed that to a more peaceful end. I'll have to deal withy my side in time.

Thanks again;

Rakku

[velveeta]

know what you mean....i saw 2 canadian geese die on a stretch of parkway that i usta travel at least twice every work day. it very much affected me - so much so that i wrote this....

i saw death today



i saw death in action today.
it came winging, swooping from the sky in a graceful arc.
two, actually.
canadian geese, a matched set-
within a matter of five seconds
the pair came down out of heaven,
described a perfect arc over the road and
seemingly deliberate
as one
flew into the car in front of me.
death in action.
one, neck obviously broken, rolled like a sack of ball bearings down
the middle of the road
but the other-
i think of it as 'she'-
she came to rest in the middle of my lane,
sitting as on a nest, head high on a neck impossibly unbroken.
a slight wing flutter-
my imagination? or a last feeble reaction to pain?
-i swerve to avoid, as the cars behind me do not.
death in action, off the wing.
i begin to fantasize--
were they an old married couple, past the fruitful years?
a long season of many fledglings, but lately
fragile shells easily broken, or weak chicks that become food before
they can fly?
did their bird minds develop the awareness of failure?
did they decide, with a will, to have the end they wanted, together
as one?

an idle fancy, perhaps
but certainly as it seemed to me.
i saw death in action today, moving on wings.



the memory still has strength, even after all those years.....

[Spirit]

Thank you for sharing your experience Velveeta... truly a horrible thing to experience. It seems that in the UK also people just keep going, don't stop, like they've clearly got something more important than to be bothered trying to avoid the needless destruction of life.

Unfortunately for big birds such as geese and swans, if they fly too low over a road and there is a significant amount of large traffic (lorry's, buses, etc) then the turbulance in the air is just nuts. For example, if a lorry is driving at speed in an otherwise still-air environment, you will have a significant 'bow wave' of air ahead of the vehicle. Most lighter objects such as leaves, bugs, etc will be pushed out of the way by this wave. I say most, as things coming straight for the central part of the windshield will experience meeting the wave straight on before impact, with no significant component able to carry it to the side. The real problem however is at the back of the lorry, as the air tumbles to fill the void behind it. The air takes time to settle after such a disturbance, and anything flying through it will have to have its wits alive and well. If you have lorry after lorry passing through, the air over the road will always be unpleasent and for bigger goose-type birds they simply don't have the agility to deal with this and can be literally sucked out of the sky.

A good example of this is the M25 motorway near where I live. There is a bit that goes over the river Thames, which is the home to many swans who fly along stretches of the river. The area under the bridge is low, dark and uninviting so they gain enough height to go over the bridge instead... and right into the bad air and traffic. The lucky ones get through, while those not so lucky crash on to the motorway. If the latter happens, and they survive, they can be fortunate enough to be taken to the Swan Sanctuary in Shepperton where they can either recover ... or if they cannot fly/function fully, they can be released onto private lakes to live out the rest of their natural lives. It was the first place I called after finding the crow, but they can only help with waterfowl unfortunately.

The memories of such events should always have strength, to help us in the future to make different choices.

Thank you again.

Rakku

[gopher65]

Birds aren't the only ones that feel the passage of big vehicles at high speeds Spirit. I've darned near been ripped off my bike (pedal bike, I don't know if there is another term for them other places than 'bike') by 18 wheelers careening down the bridge I use to travel up and down on my way to work. There is some serious air disturbance behind those things and even for a couple meters to the sides.

[Spirit]

Birds aren't the only ones that feel the passage of big vehicles at high speeds Spirit. I've darned near been ripped off my bike (pedal bike, I don't know if there is another term for them other places than 'bike') by 18 wheelers careening down the bridge I use to travel up and down on my way to work. There is some serious air disturbance behind those things and even for a couple meters to the sides.

Eek... as someone who used to ride to work down a main road, I really should have remembered that.

Rakku