Die.
Okay, maybe not "die" per-say, but, for those of you who know what I'm talking about, you'll know what I mean.
The "First Post" morons. If you haven't seen at least one of those in your travels across the great expansive universe that is the internet, you obviously haven't... uh... traveled across the great expansive universe that is the internet. I like to call them "First F's" myself. (By "F's", I'm referring to that all-too-vulgar word that begins with an "F" and, for those with their thoughts in the gutter 24/7, implies sexual activity, of course)
They just... I just... Frick! I don't even know what to say about them! I mean, what amount of prestige could one possibly hope to gain from being the first person to post a response to something online? I mean, it's everywhere, about everything. Videos, music, forum posts, art, games--it's like an infectious disease. If you ever become popular online for any reason, you're almost setting yourself up for those First F's to come in, acting all high and mighty posting nothing aside from "FIRST". That's it. "FIRST", in the space where the real first poster, who no-doubt had a real, honest and heartfelt comment to make, only to be scared off my the First F above them, simply because they'd rather not be seen in the same thread that attention-starved glutton is in was going to post.
Really, what lonely, unhappy, lonely, neglected, lonely, unwanted, pimple-on-the-rear-of-society would stoop to such a level as to attract pure, unadulterated loathing simply because it's the only attention they know how to get? Why, I ask you! Why!? It's annoying, it's ignored, it's--sadly, in cases of more than one of those morons crowding in the same place--looked upon with jealousy(?) by those that hath been denied such a coveted position amongst the pantheon of (un)desirables that would aspire to become the most despised individual in all the world wide web.
So, why, I ask, would they bother (apart from the last, blatantly sarcastic reason) to do something so obnoxious? So vein? So self-absorbed as to shout at the top of their keystrokes "FIRST" with such a might as to ward off any who would genuinely wish to befriend the one such unwanted attention had originally attracted?
I've seen it far too often, in far too many places to count online. It's... so... so... SO... I can't even think of a word that would do the amount of exasperation and detest I feel at the sight of those sorts, I hate them that bad. They're like parasites, leeching off of those that actually have friends, a following, a fandom or some form of genuine adoration toward them. Do they think that by exclaiming "FIRST" for all the world to see will somehow skyrocket them to popularity as the one they wish to leech off of?
I find it impossible to attempt to comprehend the idiocy that must compose the mental faculties of such individuals. No one wants them--even other First F's despise one another simply because they weren't the ones to get that first post position. They're hated by their own kind! That must amount to something. I'll take spammers over them (Ugh), I'll take "|33t" speakers over them (UGH!), I'll take... well, no I won't take that over a First F.
But it's a close second!
Who, for the love of Drulkar, thought up such an inane, mindless idea in the first place? Who started this whole new wave of anxiety that would wash over those with intelligence higher than that of a five-year-old?! Who would, with no life outside of a sick fetish for blatantly aggravating every single soul in the world propagate such a mockery of the human mind?! Who, I ask you?! AND WHY?!
*hurf*
*gasp*
*sigh*
Thank goodness for Istaria's community. I love you guys.