This is probably going to be long, confusing, convoluted, and essentially nothing but a rant; but please be patient with me.
I want to roleplay.
I know, I know. There's several options I could persue. I could join an RP server. I could join a MUD. I could start tabletop gaming. There's problems with all of these things in which they don't fit what I'm looking for.
I admit that I'm lazy. I don't want to have to keep track of the damage I do, the damage that's done to me, how many spells I'm casting, how long they take to recharge, how much I loot, where I spend it and on what, etc. And the ability to potentially interact with hundreds or thousands of people is more appealing to me than sitting around a table with essentially the same group of 3-5 friends. This essentially throws tabletops out of the running. Which is a pity; because I've played some good D&D scenarios.
I admit I like the graphics of video games. I like being able to SEE what I pick up, how my character changes as I swap out items. Most MUDs are text-only. Again, a pity, because ditching the 3D graphics tends to leave it more open ended.
Commercially released MMOs have their own issues. They really don't facilitate RP as much as they could. Even RP realms. One of the big problems I've noticed is the lore. Yep. The LORE prevents "good" RP. There's usually so much happening in the game to try to keep people interested that they have no idea what stories they could possibly tell on their own. The other problem is the game, itself. They're usually built from the perspective that the user won't WANT to roleplay, that they'll want to get out there, get to the level cap, and do the endgame. They also rely too much on "balance" and "fairness". This leaves the game worlds feeling artificial and static, rather than alive.
I suppose that's the real problem. I've found some very beautiful, fun, immersive games. ...That I simply can't convince myself are alive enough to roleplay in. I know full well that my character is inconsequential. It's "known" by everyone as soon as it's created; and disappears from memory whenever it logs out or is deleted. I'm aware that, no matter how I choose to avoid it; my character will most likely be fighting for its life several times during its adventures. I'm most certainly aware that no matter what I do, there's always enough to go around; and no matter how rare an item is, I can always get at least one of my own with enough persistance or money.
This has actually been a complaint of mine for several, several years. A friend of mine says that I can always make my own game, if I want this kind so badly. My main concern, if I do, is that I'll be the only one playing it.
Somehow, I just can't see someone else being excited about the "bad" parts of the non-existant game I'm looking for, as well as the "good" parts.
I can't imagine other people wanting their characters to be continuously logged into the game world, whether their user is logged in or not. I can't imagine other people wanting to keep track of their character's hunger, lest it get sick or die, and I really can't imagine other people wanting death to be more than a minor inconvenience.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just different.
Perhaps I'll take a look at those D&D sourcebooks, again...