Wrought in Stone - Fixszorx's musings

[Fix]

[[Well this is the second chapter of it all. How strangely short the first one was! Well now we have the adult edition. Let's start with this!]]

*The stone slab seems to be at least twice the size of the last, denoting a change in size. Unlike the others though, this one is hastily carved in the beginning. Some random scratches and chips dot the upper half*

Well. Here I am. It has been a bit since I made one of these. How it feels awkward to carve with such big claws. I feel clumsy right now. I don’t mind. Maybe I am clumsy. Am I? Am I ? Why am I asking myself this? Because I keep making mistakes. Why? Whywhywhywhywhyhwyhwyhwyhwyhwyhwyhwyhwhywhywhyhwyh whywhywhy!? Am I really getting that bad? Could this just be the after effect of ascending? Am I really changing that much? Perhaps this is the world of being an adult…everyone is so sad all the time. And I never say it. So am I. Where is he? A’meo? Sebeo? Where are they all?! A’meo’s new mate does not even want to accept me. Just…disowns me. Denies my existence or scorns me for trying to reason. Everyone else just looks at me with uncomfortability and anger. Pity even! Why? What have I done? Have I not fueled their musings enough!? Are they angry at me because I hate that MONSTER! (*The word “MONSTER” has a very deep scratch mark imbedded diagonally through it*) No hatchling should have that power. It is unholy and wrong. What right does IT have to corrupt our own kind? Whywhywhywhywhy?! I felt it’s powers. It tried to kill me with them. But I was ready…I hate it. I hate it for what it has done! It made a naka into one of US. It created a poor, miserable creature and deemed it a SLAVE because it was ‘not in his image’.

Everyone seems me as ‘prejudist’ and ‘wrong’ because I do this. How long are we going to be lenient on fools with delusions of godhood!? I can see where the Aegis gets it’s ideas. But I cannot shun everyone’s opinion away! The truth be told, I love everyone. They look at me…like I am some sort of FREAK because of it. Why? Because I care? Because I try to cheer them up? Because I think of what is in their best interest? I am not trying to be a savior! I am not trying to be the one who knows best! I am trying to be –ME-. ME! Fixszorx. I am trying to be myself. Why? I’ve never been this sad before. At least…not in a long time. I do not want to be like this. I still have a purpose…I can still help people. But they do not even want to help themselves! And they just stare at me like I’m a cook! ME! So what if I always seem overly optimistic. I have my reasons! I am all alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone. All alone.

**There is a break in the page, mostly soaked with tears, and some blood on the sides of the slab. The writing resumes shortly, and seems much more calm and less repetitive. The brooding feeling seemingly gone**

Well. I really needed to vent there! Now look at this tablet…whomever is reading it! I’ve stained it. Grrr. Well I am not re-writing that. Isn’t a written grr threatening? I think so. Well, I can move on. I think I have found MY calling in crafts! I seem to be able to make great statues! My claws seem to be perfect for it. I am teaching myself to smelt them too, I think metal ones look…far more like us! Today I made two good ones! One of that grumpy-butt LungTien – whom I really have a feeling dislikes me…too bad. He has such a rare form! And he is not that bad by what I’ve observed - and my first couple-capture! What where their names again? Oh yes. Zarla and Romirez, methinks. A cute pair. Does not help how lonely I feel but…I wish them all the best in their future endeavors. I am also secretly making one of that elf, Niveus. Why do I just find his kind so…how can one put it. Beautiful – for a soft-hided beast. A most admirable creature. And very fun to sculpt! Though he seems to be suffering from the same grumpy-butt syndrome everyone seems to be suffering from! There even was a strange little hatchling today…I forgot what his name was…Ow! These elipses hurt. Anyway. He seemed just as bad off as everyone else. He even questioned why I was so optimistic. Why can I say? I’m not in a perfect mood. I’m just as sad as everyone else. But I know that going about, moaning and crying about it will not buy me and sympathy, nor will it help others.

There also was an ancient…who was she again? I forgot. She was an old one, though! Oldest I ever met. Accused me of…sick, disgusting acts I cannot repeat and generally blamed males in general for all the suffering in the world. I can tell she has been hurt before…and while I did throw some rather rude words at her. I regret it a bit. She seemed to have been through quite a lot and she did not seem to be THAT bad of a person. I could apologize next time I see her. Give her a gift, attempt to win her over. Though she seems incurably GRUMPY. So do all ancients! Remember what I said earlier? Well they are the worst off. Always frowning, and demanding respect. Even if they do not like you. Yes. The are my Elders. Yes. I respect everything they have gone through. They probably have suffered more pain and loss in their years then I have. But…they really seem to enjoy inflicting it on others, do they? How I wish I could meet an elder with a cheery attitude…or at least some sort of up-beat tone. That would make my day.

And I forgot to mention – do not be afraid of the blood on the tablet! IT is the aftermath of some experimentation. I was told by Zarla that I am gifted if I heal rather quickly, but I pointed out that the self-inflicted wound I received when under the spell’s influence was not healing very quickly. So she healed it. Painful as it was – I tested this again now. It seems to be true. Luckily I managed to rush out and have it healed.

Speaking of my claws and how they are in horrible pain right now from all my ellipsis. I think I may be developing the perfect set of talons for digging! I could start digging. Plenty of things to find down there. Perhaps we should tunnel under the Aegis? It would be most funny. I am finding it harder to dig in Khutit form though. Oh yes! I forgot to mention that. I can now into into a more…bipedal form. Maybe that will make them feel comfortable around me. It feels funny to be that small – but the body is very versatile. Very flexable. And I can squeeze into tight spots. Though sometimes naka stare at me funny for not wearing any clothes. I cannot understand that. What are they hiding in there anyway? I was told there was some sort of monsters under those clothes. Perhaps I SHOULD be afraid! But, to compensate, and not make them uncomfortable – for their sakes – I put on a hat. I guess that is suitable. It is very spiffy! I would begin to wonder what the others would think of if I wondered about as a dragon with a hat! I should try that.

So many more things I wish to say and more. But I do not know what to think anymore. I have…Drulkar knows how long before I have anymore company. I still feel alone.

I would kill for a friend right now…

Oh well. I guess I will cure it by eating everything I can find and napping. Signing time!

~Fixszorx~


[[I hope you've all enjoyed this! ]]

[Fix]

[[Well, here’s our second entry. Just because I cannot get on him does not mean he’s completely out of commision for the next month! ]]

[NOTE: Have any suggetions or comments! Send me a message!]

*This stone slab is carved into shakily, the letters more jagged and mis-shapen. But begins to lighten up by the seventh line.*

I never knew. I never suspected it! How could I know it?! Gah! I am confusing myself! Well, I’ve been confused for a while now. Because it appears that until yesterday I have been POSSESSED. I could not believe it myself! I have no way of knowing WHEN the spirit first entered me, but gathering from what it said? It was feeding off my inner fears and my hatred. For all I know it was CAUSING the hatred. I have never encountered something like it before. It seems to embody false emotions – things you feel and do to hide your own. Perhaps it was making me like this. Perhaps not. Perhaps it really WAS keeping me safe all this time. I do not know! But what I do know is that may have been trying to tamper with me. Even throwing me into a very, very deep sleep to get rid of me. I was lucky to get it out thanks to that young hatchling. Eidolen, was it? Oh yes. Him. The strange…abomination maker. He seems to have repented his ways since our last little ‘talk’. Perhaps he is not as evil as I made him out to be. Even they have their uses. And he seemed genuinely sorry about what he did. Besides. He seems to like me. For some reason I find that cute!

I mean – there is nothing wrong with what he is going through. When one is stuck being that young for a long time they feel yearing. Look at me! I am twice his age it seems, and I felt the same as a hatchling. And does it seem weird that he appears to be far more mature then the so called ‘elders’ I am constantly being told me compliment. Has dragon society really began to go this way? I for one do not like it. We all have potential! Look at me – I never suspected my best field would be statuarry. I have been neglecting my hunting for a while. What poor Lunus I am! I should get to it. Perhaps, soon , I will go out and see what I can hunt down.

Ugh, I really do not feel any different either. I am beginning to feel isolated. Am I turning into a hermit, now? No. A’meo’s lair is literally across from mine and Riphesh lives with me in mine. But I feel a bit distant from all others. Maybe I have become annoying? Am I not as cute as my hatchling days? Perhaps that has deterred them. That I am overly-cheery? Or perhaps they misinturpret my good intentions. Oh how I wish I knew! Why will none of them talk to me right? I wish I could have one or two friends. Maybe others to share with. I feel timid. Insults now are beginning to get to me.

Maybe I should get a pet. A pet rock perhaps? No. I might eat that. Speaking of eating! I have discovered something rather annoying. I appear to be getting a bit on the chubby side! Blegh, I think it is the sandstone. It really gets to me! I’d best fear. My cute belly might block out the sun. Or at least make me have to roll around!

Hoping someone might stumble upon this,

~Fixszorx~